Day two of the class that kicks my butt.

I didn’t take class yesterday – they were having a guest teacher, and it was recommended that I stick with the main teacher for now, at least until my technique improves.

Although I would have loved to be able to take the class, to be honest I needed the day off. I was sore. So the day of rest did me good.

So today, I was back, and infinitely more comfortable there than I had been on my first day. Thank goodness for friends, both old and new.

An old friend showed me some exercises to warm up my ankles and get into the joint a little more, and was kind enough to give me some of the tips that the teacher had given him in the years he’s been dancing here. I was able to start class with my mind overflowing with corrections to apply to my body.

A new friend called me over just before class. “Come stand with me!” That made my day. Even if sometimes I feel old dancing around so many talented teenagers, it’s a darn good feeling to be accepted by some of the dancers like her.

Class today… it was better. The combinations at barre were more familiar to me, so I didn’t have to work so hard to remember them and could instead focus more on keeping the correct posture and working hard. I still got corrected a couple of times about my posture, but it was better today. I’ve been able to internalize the corrections she gave, especially the ones about my shoulders, and although still difficult, it’s a little easier for me to apply them.

She still comes up to me and repositions my arms. I’m used to a lower and more extended first and second position, so her repeated corrections about my arm positioning is taking a while to get used to. I’m getting there, though. Same with the head – there are definitely some times when I have to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and really focus on the positioning of my head and neck to get it right.

It’s getting better. We do fouettes at the barre, and I was able to do doubles today (I was falling all over the place on Tuesday). I’m more on my leg, and although I was once again exhausted by the end of barre, I was feeling so much better about the way I dance.

I just need to keep applying corrections, keep improving, keep working my butt off. Improve stamina, get stronger, don’t lose focus. And most importantly, I mustn’t compare myself to those dancers around me. They’re all so much younger, and so much better than I am… if I dare let myself try to compete with their technique, even if only in my own mind, I’m going to get down about myself very quickly.

So instead I dance for me and only me, more than I ever have before. I’m so used to giving myself to others, and trying to impress… but my world, in this upcoming year, must be self-centered. I’m all about me, this year. That’s the way it needs to be.